Tank'd Girl

Number: H1-5 5-0
Status: Active

Bio: I forgot everything about Catholicism. Good thing too, ‘cause that shit went out of style after finding out that the bible was really made by a kid in the creative writing class of RAHS (Rome Auxiliary High School) back in the day. It was just a short story that got into the wrong hands. You know, like a CULT?! Any-fart, after that discovery, many Catholics, and pretty much anyone that thought there was a God, pretty much went off their rocker chairs and jumped off the ottomans in a classic dive into the abyss of self loathing and the lost concept of hygiene. Like everyone smelled like they ate a whole fried potato, started jogging up 5 flights of stairs three times over, and dry humped to relief in the hot summer sun. Churches were burnt down and nuns were raped. All my atheist and agnostic friends thought this was an opportune time to claim a cool church and sell beer and beef jerky out of. Some of these old churches made the best derby auditoriums. Buuuuuuuuut, being the little pyromaniac drunk that I am, I keep running out of these places, hee hee. So NHRD really was calling me with the motto "Skate Free or Die". I mean, it's perfect for me right?? RIGHT!? So if you like some salty beef and beers and beers and beers, you're probably my bestest friend!

Why Roller Derby: Why breathe?

Injuries: that's for me to do, and you to do it to!

Derby wife: Hollywood Harlot, that's my luvah!

Derby nemesis: N/A (and not possible!) cause I love everything about derby!!

What makes her happy: Pot belly beer tanks

What makes her angry: Platinum grillz without jewelz

Favorite song: “I Write the Songs that Make the Whole World Cry” by Barry Manilow, he tickles my pickle!!

Favorite quote: Basically anything that Arnold Schwarzenegger says. “GEEEET TO DEE CHOPPAH!”

Vices: Talking loud, stealing things from strippers, and just plain Pitankatank

Next time you're at the bar grab her a: Heineken!!! and some pistachios